You realize this is the ego. You've closed yourself off from the world because it's easier to stay present doing nothing, but is that really presence? This seems to me to be ego protection, holding onto the good feelings, making presence personal. Awareness isn't personal, it can't be held onto, and it can't be made into a goal, yet this is what you've done.
Try allowing the doubts, fears, and fantasies to be as they are. What happens when you just watch them? What happens when you just allow them to be there? What happens when you stop "thinking" that having these doubts, fears, and fantasies is "bad"? Stop turning yourself into a problem, that's just more ego.
Alternatively, meditate on what you're feeling. Ask yourself, "why is there doubt, fear, fantasy inside?" Question why it is that you've been unwilling to get a job? This is a great spiritual practice, and it's your spiritual practice, at least for now. As Tolle says presence isn't "how long you can sit with your eyes closed."
Try one these out and see if they work. I know they work for me. Through this process I find what works for me, what I'm "suppose" to be doing. Really I'm just aligning with life, allowing life to live me. "Life is the dancer and you are the dance."
